Category Archives: Story Reviewing

Story Review: Free, by Mochi

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Hi everyone! Ash and Ginger here. At P2P, we recently got emailed a short story, and so here’s our review of Free, by (pen name) Mochi.

Since this story was so amazing, I’m rating it 9 pens. We’ve really got a budding author here!

(Remember, you are not allowed to reblog or use any part of this story, quote or whole, without permission from the author. To get permission from any author, you can email us at pencilstopaperp2p@gmail.com. We will contact the author and ask for their permission. If you email us, that is not getting permission. You must wait until we email you back with the author’s decision.)

Here’s the story:

I finally convinced my parents that I am old enough to stay home alone. They left this morning and won’t be home until dinner. I think I have enough time. Now I can get started.
Quiet as the rustle of a butterfly’s wings, I grab all my packs, my sword, and some food.The reek of poison still slips through the house like a monster. Dead bodies still litter our floor. I pull my gaze quickly away, ignoring the stench of carrion and blood that’s choking my throat while salty tears fall onto the paper before me. Black ink drips all over my arm, and I realize I’ve been jabbing the pen into my fist the entire time. 
“Shoot,” I mutter, and start writing my note.

It’s not safe here anymore. I’m leaving. So should you.
-A

I’ll miss them alot, but it’s best for all of us. Nearly tripping over the rotting carcass of a dismembered official, I steal quickly out the door. The morning light wraps around me like a hot, itchy cloak, and I shy away from it to hide in the shadows. Two officials sit before me, unaware of what lurks behind them, and I take a deep, shuddering breath, as quiet as possible. It’s inevitable what I have to do. I don’t think they ever saw what hit them. They now lie broken and bent on the ground, candy red blood spilling from their insides, and I turn away in disgust. This is why I have to get out of here. I’m turning into a monster. I’ve been hidden for too long , and my sword grows hungrier every day I wait. Inside the house, I’m a zombie in the making. No peace. There will be more fighting to be done, of course… but for now, I’ll be free.

Free. I slink past their bodies, doing my best to forget the ones on the ground at my house, like a sea of bloated corpses awash with blood, floating on the surface of the water and rising up like a tsunami. In my dreams, it spilled over me and never let me come up again. I sit down on the ground, my back against the alley wall, shivering with the memories of those days. 
“Calm down. You’re gonna get out of this,” I whisper. “Everything will be okay.”

Only darkness stands ahead. In the distance, crumbling gray buildings rise up out of the desert wasteland. To anyone else, it is dangerous, a limitless expanse of dust and barren plains. The possibilities of misfortune that could come upon me are endless- but so are the possibilities of other, better things, and that’s why I’m going. 

I see the two girls standing a couple feet away from me, looking around. 
“Hide,” one commands without warning. They both duck into the shadows next to me as a man walks by. Once he passes, I lean in a little and whisper, “I’m here.”
Both girls jump to the side and the younger looking one yelps. I nod, pushing my black hair aside so they’ll see my pale face in the shadows.
“We thought you would never come.”
“I was hiding. Do you have weapons?”
“Yes.”
Before us, there is only shadow that masks a new life, far from the government. So far, we’ll never have to hide again. My knuckles gripping the hilt of my sword are bloodless and white, and I know I can’t put it off any longer. I take a breath and step into the darkness as we hear footsteps and shouts behind us.

Everything is black.

 

Hope you like!

~ Ash